


On a Highway to Hell

by InsaneAndHappyAboutIt



Series: Self-Destructive [4]
Category: Sons of Anarchy
Genre: Angst, Barebacking, Feels, M/M, Rimming, Shower Sex, Smut, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-05
Updated: 2018-03-05
Packaged: 2019-03-27 11:07:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13879587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsaneAndHappyAboutIt/pseuds/InsaneAndHappyAboutIt
Summary: Takes place at the end of S6E13!!"Juice turned to leave because if he delayed a minute more he was done for. He was out the door before he thought to add one last thing to his unspoken goodbye. ‘I love SAMCRO and the guys more than anything else. You guys are my family and I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that? No matter what, I need you to know that.’ Chibs looked taken aback but he nodded that yes, he knew that."





	On a Highway to Hell

**Author's Note:**

> Part 4 of the Self-Destructive series is here!! I hope you enjoy the read!!

Juice dropped the last of the evidence in the random garbage dumpsters. He looked around, unable to stop glancing over his shoulder every couple of minutes. He half expected Jax to charge him, already aware of his part in Tara’s murder and his legs were ready to dart should that happen. The man was already convinced Juice had betrayed him, again, so it was amazing he was still breathing at all. Jax had never given him a chance to explain that he hadn’t ratted to Nero on purpose. He’d been high out of his mind and he’d blabbed, the weight of his guilty conscious threatening to crush him otherwise. He hadn’t even expected to wake up after downing so many pills but yet again his cowardice backfired. He was such a screw up he couldn’t even kill himself properly! Even Mayhem didn’t want the likes of him….

The thought of going head to head with Jax was unthinkable, even if he wasn’t as guilty as the man suspected. He wasn’t innocent either and now he was doing this hasty clean-up out of respect for Gemma but as much as he loved her he didn’t doubt that she would gladly throw him under the bus to save her own hide. It would be his word against Gemma’s and Juice had to be truly insane to think Jax would believe a rat over his mother.

But here was the latest fucked up thing in a long line of fucked up things. He wasn’t even putting his neck on the chopping block out of self-preservation. He didn’t really care what happened to him as long as he wouldn’t be alone because when he was by himself his mind tended to go to dark places. The voices became all muddled and he suspected Mister Mayhem was whispering poisonous words straight into his ear. He was doing this because Gemma had been like a mother to him, not that he had much experience in the department. He’d left his home when he was a teenager and never attempted to reconnect with his abusive parents. He missed his sister sometimes but not enough to get in contact with her.

Life changed for him when he’d been little more than another lost youth on the streets, waiting for the day when he would be swallowed up by the mean streets and disappear entirely. Considering how violent the streets of Charming were it would be a short wait. Then he’d seen the SAMCRO members riding on their flashy bikes, their cuts dancing in the wind and the world suddenly made sense. This was why he was in Charming. He didn’t know what hand guided him or how he suddenly came to the epiphany but when he’d seen the white reaper logo it was like he’d found his feet for the first time. Since that day his whole life revolved around the MC club. He bled for them, cried for them and killed for them. He was so sure he’d die for them too but then he’d ratted in a desperate attempt to keep his place among the members and everything unravelled after that.

Jax found out and had punished him harshly. It took Juice many months of hard work to buy the man’s trust again but even now, when Jax said they were good, he was on constant edge. He knew that if he stepped out of line, even a little, all that mistrust would return tenfold and being tangled up in the murder of his wife crossed all kinds of lines. Maybe it would be better if he just came clean, throw himself at Jax’s mercy and hope he believed him when he spilled the beans because he knew Gemma would never confess.

Juice turned the idea over in his mind for a moment before he disregarded it. It would never work. Jax would be on a warpath and he would run Juice down like roadkill. The best thing he could do for himself, Jax and Gemma was to disappear for a while. Maybe if he laid low and waited for the drama to blow over he would get his chance to come back… He had to believe that because it was the only thing which had any chance of keeping his self-destructive inclinations in check. He was doing this for the club. He would be the bad guy if it helped Gemma because she was the lifeblood of SAMCRO and Jax’s source of strength. If Jax found out the truth and killed Gemma SAMCRO would cease to exist and Juice couldn’t let that happen.

He glanced around the dark street one last time before hopping on his bike and speeding away. He’d thrown bits of evidence across the whole town, choosing random bins so they couldn’t be easily traced. He hoped he’d done a good enough job considering he had very little time and was alone. The truth would eventually come out, it always did, but Juice had to believe it would take enough time for him to disappear. Being on the run in Charming, where SAMCRO had eyes everywhere would require some serious stealth but luckily he had Gemma in his corner, for now. She told him to go to Wendy’s house until she came up with something more secluded.

Juice never felt more at peace than when he was riding. The wind was icy and it stung his bare arms but he welcomed the discomfort. It grounded him and kept his thoughts from wondering down dark alleys. He emptied his mind, letting the thrill of being on the open road take him. He wasn’t really paying attention to where he was going and by the time the familiar surroundings registered he was ten feet away from the last apartment complex he wanted to visit. Well, that was a lie. He yearned to be here but he knew it was a stupid idea.

Chibs’ place was on the second floor of the complex and the light in the window told Juice the Scotsman was home. A painful lump formed in his throat at the sight of his door. Last time he’d been here Chibs had promised to never open that door to him no matter how much Juice banged the wood. He’d been proud enough to respect the older biker’s wishes and had kept his distance, reducing their relationship to a purely professional one. He couldn’t deny that seeing Chibs every day around the clubhouse gutted him and it took considerable restraint on his part to stay away.

The hardest part was when Jax still used him to do his dirty work but after Clay was arrested the MC president eased up on Juice. Now they struck a sort of truce, albeit built on a rocky foundation. Juice thought he would be happy to be back on familiar ground but he’d soon discovered how alone he really was. In the past he could always kill time with Chibs and looking back, their time together had probably been some of the happiest moments of his sorry life but after last time….

Juice found himself hating the end of the day because it meant him returning to an empty nest and he would have to ride by Chibs’ place every time. He’d even taken to going all the way around, adding an extra half an hour to the journey, just to avoid seeing the apartment complex. And it wasn’t like he had a reason to cry a river. He and Chibs hadn’t been dating or nothing. They’d been casual fuck buddies, or so it had started but in no time at all Juice found so much more than physical pleasure in the Scotsman’s presence. He knew he could never come clean about his affection because that wasn’t the sort of world he lived in. Chibs was clearly okay with bedding him but it wasn’t like Juice had any delusion of getting married and riding off into the sunset!

‘Juice?’ The Puerto Rican yelped in a very unmanly way and rounded to find Chibs standing a foot away from him, an amused look on his face at the younger man’s startled expression. ‘What are you doing here laddie?’

‘Um… Nothing. I was just passing by. I’m not a stalker or anything.’ Well that sounded lame even to his own ears and it was obvious Chibs didn’t believe a word of it but he nodded and accepted the pathetic excuse anyway. Juice noticed he was holding a bag of groceries and put one and two together. Chibs had a tendency to forget the lights on when he stepped out for a quick task, like going to the shop around the corner for some basic supplies.  

‘Well since you’re here how about you come in for a drink. You look like you need it.’ Chibs held up the bag and Juice saw the neck of a scotch bottle. The invitation was everything he’d wanted to hear for what felt like a lifetime but he’d learned the hard way to be cautious. The days of him being reckless were long past…

‘Are you sure?’ He caught Chibs’ narrowed eyes and knew the man understood what he was really asking. If he opened that door Juice doubted they would ever get to open the bottle.

‘Aye. I’m sure Juicy.’ Juice nodded and parked his bike before following Chibs up the iron stairs.

Another tendency Chibs had, was to leave his door unlocked which seemed so out of place with the usually precautious biker. Once inside, Juice was at a loss how to proceed. The smells of the place triggered a plethora of memories he’d tried to bury for so long. The welcoming warmth seeped into his skin and he shivered, his mind finally registering just how cool the night air had been. He hoped the shiver was just from the cold and not the mounting trials of the day. He wanted to leave all that shit outside the door for the time being. Perhaps it was really fucking stupid to linger and waste time with Chibs when he should have been hightailing it to Wendy’s place but Juice didn’t care. He needed this. He wanted this even more than protecting Gemma.

‘Hey man, can I use your shower?’ Chibs was busying himself putting away his shopping but he paused to glance at Juice. Even from across the room Juice noticed the way his eyes darkened and it did all sorts of things to his squirming insides. Yep, that bottle would remain untouched…

‘Aye. There are fresh towels in the cupboard. You know the one.’ Feeling emboldened for no reason at all Juice decided to test the dangerous waters between them.

‘Maybe I won’t need a towel.’ Chibs’ nostrils flared just a little and Juice knew he had him. He was intimately familiar with Chibs’ tell-tale signs of arousal.

‘Aye, you won’t.’ Juice felt a knot begin to tighten inside his gut and he didn’t trust his voice to speak so he walked away.

He took his time getting undressed, folding his cut reverently. He thought he should treasure it while he still had it. Tomorrow he’d be on the lam from the club and he doubted the members would be pleased to find him still sporting the patch when they eventually caught up to him. No, he wasn’t thinking of that now. He couldn’t allow himself to picture the deep hatred Chibs would have for him once he learned of his betrayal. Once naked, he turned on the water and when it was the right temperature he stepped under the warm rain. The heat soothed his tense muscles and he stood motionless, soaking it in for a time.

His back was turned to the bathroom door so when he felt arms wrap around his waist he gasped softly, his body leaning automatically in the larger bulk behind him. Chibs began kissing along his neck and shoulder and Juice felt like he could come undone from this small attention alone. He turned his head to catch Chibs’ lips with his and moaned deeply into the kiss. His heart felt like it could snap in two any second but Juice chose not to care. He was aware how painful all this would be in the morning but if it meant having Chibs’ arms around him for a few hours he would deal with the torture.

Chibs reached for the soap and Juice feared he might pass out when slippery hands began roaming over every inch of available skin. The touches were possessive, groping but surprisingly tender. It was a duality only Chibs seemed to get right and Juice’s muscles immediately relaxed as expert fingers weeded out the stress. Juice leaned forward, pressing his palms flat against the shower tiles as Chibs gentle push and he widened his stance because he knew what was coming next and he was very eager. Using soap as a lubricant was not a good idea but Chibs was extra careful with his probing, making the intrusion as painless as possible. Juice was grateful for the care but he was far too impatient to appreciate it.

Fortunately Chibs picked up on this and worked him open hastily enough. Maybe he wasn’t the only one with a wet dick… At Chibs insistence Juice turned to face him and he lost himself in the demanding kiss, his arms closing tightly around the other’s neck. Chibs grabbed his cock and began working him to full hardness, swallowing all the erotic noises Juice couldn’t help making. He was even louder when he felt Chibs’ cock slide alongside his own so the man could jerk them both simultaneously. Chibs was bigger and Juice loved feeling it pulse against his member. He thrust his hips into the hand, seeking the delicious friction of skin against sensitive skin and licked along the other man’s bottom lip. Chibs nipped at his and Juice put a hand on their dicks along with Chibs so they both worked through their orgasm together.

Juice felt the hot spurts coat his fingers and his back slumped against the tiles as his knees went weak. Chibs walled him in with his powerful arms and kissed him deeply as water ran down their sated bodies in rivets. He gave Juice enough time to find his footing before he turned off the water and they both got out of the shower. They dried off hastily, just enough to prevent a nasty cold getting its hooks into them, and they ended up tangled in a mass of limbs on the bed. Chibs took charge and Juice was more than happy to be complacent. He let out a shaky breath when he found himself on all fours, Chibs’ calloused hands spreading his cheeks apart.

Juice braced himself, waiting for the fingers to brace him again, picking up where they left off in the shower, but he got something else entirely. A wanton groan nearly choked him as Chibs’ tongue licked a wet trail and delved into his loosened hole. The bones in Juice’s arms turned to jelly and he dove face first into the pillow as Chibs continued to tongue fuck him until he was moaning louder than a cheap whore. The noises he was making would have put the prostitutes working at Diosa to shame. He was close to coming with his dick untouched but Chibs didn’t give him the chance. With one last swipe of the puckered ring of muscles Chibs moved around Juice, spooning him from behind and raised one of his legs, hooking the knee with his hand.

Juice took the chance to steal one more languid kiss before he felt the Scotsman’s cock slide deep inside him, slamming against his prostrate on the first try. They set up a good, hard pace, both eager to reach their second orgasm. Juice’s body moved in sync with Chibs’, the muscle memory taking over. Their bodies fit together like two pieces of a puzzle and for the first time in far too long Juice felt whole. He felt safe which was a fucked up sentiment considering he would soon be a fugitive from the SOA. To think the same man who had his lips pressed against his jugular would soon be hunting down was pure agony but he refused to let it spoil the moment.

For the second time in one day he found himself with Chibs’ hand on his cock and Juice leaned his head back against the shoulder behind him. The pleasant pressure of his imminent ecstasy kept building and building and building and suddenly it burst apart. Like a dam breaking under the strain, it swept through from head to toe, leaving him gasping for breath. Chibs continued fucking him through the orgasm until the push against his prostate became almost painful. As they worked to return back to reality, Juice curled back against Chibs’ solid mass, loving the way he left soft kisses along the tribal tattoos running down his scalp. He was fairly certain this was going to be added in his catalogue as one of the best fucks of his life, not that he had a ridiculously long list. He wasn’t Jax after all….

‘So listen…. I’ve been thinking about what happened last time and maybe I spoke too hastily. I still don’t know what went down between you and Jax but it looks like he calmed down lately. Are you two good?’ Juice felt his heart go cold but the lie came easily. To think that not so long ago he couldn’t have lied to save his life… Boy, he’d come a long way.

‘Yeah. Me and Jax are good.’ Juice let that hang in the air for a second, letting the lie sink in. ‘Does that mean you’re no longer enforcing your closed door policy?’

‘Aye. I want you back Juicy and I take it from what we did tonight you’re on board with that.’ Juice couldn’t help a smile as Chibs nuzzled his neck. He loved the way the wiry beard scratched his skin.  

‘More than you know.’ Juice hoped that didn’t sound as miserable as it felt. ‘I love you man.’ Chibs left another kiss on his head before pulling his softened cock out of him and springing to his feet.

‘I love you too laddie but right now I’m loving the idea of eating more. Do you want something?’ Juice followed suit, beginning to dress. Chibs watched him with disappointment but Juice pretended not to see.

‘Nah. Your cooking’s shit and I don’t really want to deal with a sore ass and food poisoning tomorrow. I think I’ll just leave.’ Chibs watched him, noting the way Juice deliberately avoided meeting his eyes. He knew when something was off and there was something defiantly off with Juice.

‘Is everything alright Juicy?’ Juice froze with his belt in his hands. He swallowed thickly before he finally met Chibs’ weary gaze.

‘Everything’s fine Chibs.’ Clearly the man didn’t believe that for a second but he realized Juice wouldn’t give him anything else tonight so he left it at that for now.

‘If you say so Juicy but you do know you can talk to me, right? You can trust me.’ Juice had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from collapsing into a crying mess, barely holding back from spilling his guts to the man whom he trusted most. The thing which held him back was the image of Chibs recoiling from him when he learned what a two-stabbing fucker he was. Juice knew it would happen soon enough anyway but he didn’t want to be there when it did and he didn’t want his last night with Chibs to be a bad memory. Talk about sappy shit…

‘I know. Thanks.’ Chibs nodded and Juice went to him after he slipped his cut back on. He pressed his forehead against Chibs’, the other man’s hand holding the back of his neck in an intimate gesture of brotherhood.

‘I’ll see you tomorrow then?’ Juice entertained the dream of showing up at the TM tomorrow and everything falling into place like nothing bad had ever happened. Jax would never know what he did though some miraculous grace of God. Nero forgave him. Gemmo loved him enough to protect him. He would continue upgrading their surveillance system while Chibs worked on a car and they would meet for break, share a drink, maybe more. But that was a fantasy and he couldn’t afford to indulge it. There would be no tomorrow for him and Chibs.

‘Yeah. That sounds good.’ Chibs let him go and Juice turned to leave because if he delayed a minute more he was done for. He was out the door before he thought to add one last thing to his unspoken goodbye. ‘I love SAMCRO and the guys more than anything else. You guys are my family and I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that? No matter what, I need you to know that.’ Chibs looked taken aback but he nodded that yes, he knew that.

‘Of course laddie. Wanna tell me what this is all about?’ Juice shook his head sorrowfully, a thin smile darting across his face.

‘It’s nothing. Just wanted you know, that’s all. I don’t want you to hate me. Forget I said anything, I’m obviously tired and you fucked me without mercy so I’m rambling.’

‘Aye, that must be it. Before you go I need you to know something too Juicy. I could never hate you laddie. Now that’s all cleared up go get some sleep before you start reciting a poem or some gay shit like that.’ Juice scoffed, very much doubting Chibs knew what he was promising but finding comfort in it anyway.

‘See you tomorrow old man.’ Juice waved without looking back as he left the warmth and safety of Chibs’ apartment. The night felt even darker and colder now and he wanted to look back but he stubbornly kept his eyes upfront.

‘See you then Juicy.’

**Author's Note:**

> Just when things look like they're about to go back to normal I have to get in there and mess things up, hm? Hope it was a fun read and let me know what you thought in the comments section below!
> 
> Have a lovely day!!! XD


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